1. Started off good. They got up and hugged me and told them they loved me.
  2. Talked it over the next day in the car with Mom. She said that she was just worried someone would hurt me. She wondered how long I've known. She asked why I decided to do it now.
  3. We only talked about it for like 15 minutes before we got back to regular conversation. I think things just need to mellow. I think this new information just needs to be broken in.
  4. Went golfing with my Dad. We didn't talk about it. I thought we were good and we just wanted to go back to normal.
  5. Asked him about it in the car. He said he didn't have anything to say about it.
  6. He said it's my choice. He thinks he failed me. He thinks I'm further from God's light. He thinks he let this happen. I said I love God and he loves me. I want to live through him. He said I can't do that.
  7. I told him those scriptures are misinterpreted, and that being gay isn't a sin. God doesn't make mistakes. He threw the Adam and Eve argument at me. I'm not great at arguing so I just shut down.
  8. We didn't make eye contact with each other for the rest of the night. I went to bed angry. I woke up angry.
  9. Went to church this morning and sat away from them. Preacher talked about having to commit your whole life to Christ, otherwise you don't really love him. I kept thinking that Dad was just drinking this all in.
  10. I had to keep telling myself there's no way I can change this. So even if I committed my whole life to Christ, I would still go to hell. And that's not right. That's not what God wants. He wants me to be happy and live life and love deeply and be open to all walks of life. He doesn't want me to go back in the closet.
  11. I said goodbye to my parents, they acted like nothing really happened. Dad told me that he'll always love me, but I can't believe that knowing he's always going to look at me like I'm broken.
  12. It hurt the whole drive home knowing my Dad might never change his mind. He's making me hate myself all over again.
  13. I might go back to see them in May. But I need to know if they're willing to open up about this.
  14. Laid in bed and tried to reason that I don't need them in my life if they're not going to accept me. Because all I need in this life is my own love, and I'm not going to stop loving myself no matter how unloved I feel from others.
  15. My friends are all supportive and encouraging. And the general population is too. Even if I don't have my family by blood to go back to, I have my family by choice who will love me no matter what.
  16. Now I feel fine. I just need to get out of my head.