NUMBERS RANKED

  1. 9.
    9
    It just sucks, like it's in perpetual anticipation because it's not fully 10. An outcome with 9 is never satisfactory because it's so close to being perfection. It just looks stupid too. It's so obviously just an upside-down 6, like real original.
  2. 8.
    7
    Whether it's lucky or not, it has the ugliest look at the end of most double-digits- they're hardly ever divisible by anything. It fills up all the days of the week at the very least, but besides that it's nothing special.
  3. 7.
    8
    For an even number it's just too many. What do you need 8 of? There aren't enough spaces at a table for 8. There aren't 8 wonders of the world. Even Quentin Tarantino's 8th film was kinda bleh.
  4. 6.
    3
    It's just awkward. The third thing is always the one regretted. You can have one cupcake and be great. Or two cupcakes and be good. But once you have a third cupcake, you're a guilt-ridden garbage dump. Nobody wants to be a third wheel. I wouldn't even know what to do in a threesome. And the Three Musketeers is a pipe dream, because someone's always going to be left out.
  5. 5.
    6
    A good, neutral number. It's even, and it's not too high. It's negative connotations aren't specific to it alone. Add two more and you get the Devil's number, but other than that there's nothing super bad about it. Six can seem like a bit much sometimes, but it can also work really well. Look at Friends, all those pairings made for great television!
  6. 4.
    1
    One is good. One is positive. It's the start of something, but it's just so lonesome. It's also small and kinda useless on its own. You can be The One, or #1, but that's all you're going to be from then on.
  7. 3.
    4
    This is a good number for a group. Everybody has somebody, and yet there isn't a big, sub-group separation. But when you think about it, four is really just two two's. It isn't exactly amazing on it's own. There's nothing within four that isn't attainable through other numbers, but it's like a convenient package and a lovable even number.
  8. 2.
    5
    Everything it satisfying in increments of five. I have to change the volume on the TV to a number that's divisible by five or I'll go crazy. It's just a good way to add things up, and it's halfway in the number line. But it's not a worthy number all on it's own. Its likable qualities are limited to it being half of ten. It's like the sidekick to the real hero, but it's still a solid number. I sometimes forget it's odd.
  9. 1.
    2
    Because poop. Also, because pairs just work well together. In increments, it's satisfying without being too over-the-line. Second place just means that there's an opportunity for improvement. The second time is so much less awkward than the first. It's what a number can be that makes it great, and two has limitless potential. Plus, everybody wants to be a part of something so mutual, and so devoted as a pair of something is. Two is just the perfect number.