Thoughts of a Girl Who Was Betrayed by her Razor

Sweeney Todd in girl form dat u??
  1. *grabs razor* let's do dis shit... Again
  2. Dang who keeps saying they don't like Frank Ocean's new album cuz dis song is POPPIN
  3. Why can't I have one of those showers that has the nice little ledge where you can sit, contemplate life, and shave both of ur damn legs in some got damn peace
  4. This is so frustrating why do I feel like I'm missing a whole cabbage patch of hair on the backside of my leg
  5. Okay move to the other leg u dummy
  6. *moves to other leg* nope dammit I can feel the hairs on the other leg I'm switching back
  7. *shaves aggressively, looking for a treasure I will never find*
  8. Dis song is popping
  9. OW
  10. Ow
  11. OW
  12. IS THIS AN EPISODE OF DEXTER WHERE IS ALL THIS BLOOD COMING FROM
  13. OH MY GOD DID SOMEONE MURDER ME?!?!
  14. DID I MURDER SOMEONE?!?!
  15. Dang this is actually kind of pretty I should write a poem about how my blood is a metaphor
  16. Haha that was a cute thought Sara but sweetie you're 21 years old and that stuff only works for vampire fanfiction now
  17. Okay wait seriously this is a lot of blood
  18. Oh suck it up keep shaving like a got damn WOMAN
  19. Why isn't this razor shaving??
  20. OH MY GOD IS THAT SKIN
  21. I HAVE HANNIBAL'D MYSELF WHO DO I THINK I AM A TURKEY TO BE SHAVED AND COOKED
  22. DONE WITH THIS DONE WITH THIS
  23. *turns off shower but IS STILL BLEEDING*
  24. THREE BANDAIDS, LOTS OF TISSUE, ONE RAG, AND SEVERAL PIECES OF GAUZE LATER...
  25. Dang I don't know which hurts more: the pain from this ginormous cut or the crashing reality of the patriarchy