How to Be ME in 5 Simple Anecdotes

Inspired by @tcdavis1
  1. Set alarms for an early, decent time like 6 or 630. Wake up and stay in bed on phone till 9.
  2. Get your car washed and waxed and vacuumed and all that jazz for a whopping $30. Park under birds' favorite tree in your complex parking lot.
  3. Go to grocery store with list. Pick up everything on list. Come home feeling ecstatic about your green smoothie in the morning. Wake up and realize you forgot a liquid base. Kick yourself in the derrière for making incomplete lists.
  4. Tell yourself to take your car in for servicing for 3 months before actually doing it. Constantly but silently, freak out while driving every day.
  5. Go in to Target to pick up 1 thing. Walk out with a $70.56 bill in hand because you picked up 4 tops, 2 solely because they had elephants on them. The. Same. Elephant. Print.