Why fighting is the worst and best

A dichotomous list
  1. I feel sick every time I fight with someone I love and/or care for.
    I am not a conflict-seeking person, but I am outspoken. Conflict doesn't scare me so most often, people think I'm just diving into fights head-on without a worry in my mind. But in reality, I feel sick: my stomach churns, my head hurts, my body goes into dramatic mode in which every pain is louder and clearer. Everything hurts because everything in me worries. Worries I'm gonna fuck up. Worries I'm gonna lose then. Worries I'm gonna be unfair.
  2. I cry easily.
    One of the less flattering aspects of me, I am a big crybaby. Everything happy and sad can make me cry. It can often come off like I'm using my tears to win sympathy, but it's just me panicking. Nothing more to see here.
  3. I lose my forté to be extremely logical.
    I consider myself really logical on a normal basis, but when I am arguing with someone, I become emotionally involved and lose my ability to give truly awesome comebacks or even coherent explanations of my side of the coin. TL;DR, I come off as a bimbo.
  4. It's so awkward afterwards.
    Once the parties involved arrive at a resolution, what do you do? Snap back to your normal behavior like you operate on a switch? Bake a cake to celebrate the hurdle you were able to overcome? Lie down and dig yourself a hypothetical hole until you're physically and emotionally recuperated enough to be a part of the real world again? Hold hands? Hug? I mean, how soon is too soon to smile? To laugh?
  5. I don't ever want to do anything afterwards.
    Isn't it a huge fucking joke played by the universe that fights with loved ones always happens when there is something pressing to do? Maybe you're at your monthly team meeting. Maybe you're having a bunch of people over for the night, or worse, the weekend. Maybe, you were working on a surprise for them and your emotions don't allow you to do it wholeheartedly even though you were able to just before the interruption. Who knows why, but one thing is for sure: I don't want to be or do.
  6. PS: Hi @list, I'm back!!