we're not that close if...

  1. I've never peed on the phone with you
    Extra points if I flush, double extra points if I pee/flush on speaker
  2. You've never heard a relationship problem of mine
    I'm dramatic and always talking about men, it's gross I'm sorry
  3. You don't know I'm allergic to fruit
    It's fine if you forget but you have to at least pretend to feel bad that you forgot and act like it was something you've known forever. The real homies remember though.
  4. I've never taken you to La Bocca
    My fave restaurant and I make everyone go there all the time and it's probably pretty obnoxious but idc
  5. We've never discussed Harry Potter
    Given
  6. You don't know about my gray hair
    I have pre-mature gray hair and it's so annoying and people close to me are v privy
  7. You don't know about my health problems
    Literally too much to explain, hence why you have to be close to me to know the ins & outs because shit changes all the time
  8. Also this list was originally inspired by @olive but stupid drafts made me delete that part before it ketone post it for some reason.