While my natural inclination is to try to be funny, I think this has some decent advice.
  1. You're not going to be successful right away. And if you are, fuck you.
  2. You probably don't want your first job to be at your dream organization. You will be a peon, and grow to resent the lack of responsibility they give you or amount of respect they have for your time. Work your way up somewhere else, then go in with a better title and some clout.
  3. Have your resume redone. I can almost guarantee you it sucks, especially if your school's career center did it. I will literally rewrite it for you if you ask.
  4. If you move in with your parents just call them cool older roommates. No one will know the difference.
  5. If you have student loans, don't stress about paying them off. Federal ones are really simple to lower. If mommy or daddy paid for your school, make sure you take this to the grave because we will all judge you.
  6. If you have private loans, refinance them to get a better rate. You probably didn't even look at the interest rate when you applied and are now getting rammed up the ass.
  7. Volunteer if you're looking for work. Don't sit there and do nothing. Employers don't like this, and you can network while you're there. Also, little is more annoying than people begging for work or complaining about having no job online that you know aren't actively trying.