Things I'm Never Going to Do For A Significant Other (Inspired by "Classic" American Cinema)
- •Drown in a cold oceanEspecially if we just met and you're way out of my class. Eat the rich. I would have pushed Rose off.
- •Write you every day for a year, fix up a house by myself, and suddenly take you backYou help me put this siding up or we're through.
- •Annoy your family with my stereoLloyd, setting unrealistic expectations.
- •Deal with someone who follows me around, unless it actually was Jennifer LawrenceI also wouldn't enter a dance competition.
- •Kill myself after you kill yourself.Sorry again, Leo. At least you got your Oscar.
- •Believe that a prostitute loved me.Not that sex workers don't fall in love, but let's keep this as a business transaction.