lessons from friendships + relationships past & present.

this has been sitting in my drafts for a while, and now that there's no such thing as drafts, here goes...
  1. just because you're in love with someone doesn't mean that things will work out.
    i learned this one last year after holding on to who i truly thought i was meant to be with for what was probably a little too long. i was more in love then than i had ever been, but we could never seem to get things right. sometimes being in love isn't enough and that realization sucks. so does losing your best friend in the same person.
  2. you can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved.
    if someone is falling apart, sometimes you just need to let them. no matter how much it hurts.
  3. stay away from people who can't accept responsibility / have accountability for their actions.
    if someone gets angry at you or tries to turn things around on you every time there's an issue, it's going to end in flames. get out while you still can.
  4. if you're always the one giving, back out gracefully.
    with no disrespect. some people are straight givers. some people are straight takers. there needs to be balance. if you're a straight giver, you NEED to surround yourself with people that force you to let them help you. if you're a straight taker, make the effort to balance yourself because no one else will be able to. yes, it's nice to receive, but things should never be that one sided.
  5. it's possible for someone to know what they have in you without losing you.
    i feel like there's two types of people in this regard: those who have been treated poorly in the past and therefore immediately recognize when they have it good, and people who need to lose what they have to know what they had. don't fuck with the second kind of people. find someone who understands the value in you from the beginning.
  6. it's possible to find someone who you can do everything and nothing with and still enjoy each other's company.
    i've been really lucky to have this with the last few people i've dated, as well as some of my closest friends, and i'm very thankful for it.
  7. quality over quantity.
    i cannot emphasize this enough: quality over quantity. quality over quantity. quality over quantity. quality over quantity. quality over quantity. quality over quantity. quality over quantity. quality over quantity. quality over quantity. quality over quantity. quality over quantity. quality over quantity. quality over quantity. quality over quantity. quality over quantity. quality over quantity. quality over quantity. quality over quantity. quality over literally everything else.
  8. if someone wants to make something happen, they'll make sacrifices.
  9. it's possible to find someone who's patient with you. with your health. with your anxiety. with whatever you need patience with.
    if someone makes you feel like a burden, you can't be with / he friends with that person. my health is about me, no one else. my mental health is about me, no one else. the last thing i need is someone to make me feel worse over my physical health or my anxiety, because trust me, it's hard enough for me to go through, i don't need someone else's guilt on top of it.
  10. if you notice your anxiety is worse around someone, you probably shouldn't be friends with / dating them. whoever you're surrounding yourself with should be able to make you feel at ease more often than not, and shouldn't get frustrated when they can't.
    it's hard to see this one sometimes because it can be a slow build. but when one day, you explode because you can't take the anxiety of being around someone anymore, it's way past time to give up.
  11. it's possible for friendships + relationships to not fall apart when one person is out of town.
    when people want to bridge the gaps in distance, especially when one or both of you travel for a living, it is totally possible.
  12. when you're going through something and you act or react a way that doesn't necessarily reflect how you feel (but is more a reactionary thing), it's not necessary for someone to tell you how what you did made them feel.
    there's no need for them to make it about themselves or if and when the roles are reversed, for you to make it about yourself. it's okay to just understand what the other person is going through and let it roll off. starting to make things about how it made you feel when they're already going through hell is just going to make things worse.
  13. it's possible to meet someone who, at times, knows what you need more than you do.
    like when you're cranky and you don't realize it's because your medicine is draining you physically, he will, and he'll tuck you in bed for a mid day nap so that you can recharge.
  14. it's possible to find someone who you laugh with and who makes you laugh just because they love to hear the sound of your laugh.
  15. it's possible to find someone who appreciates you for who you are.
  16. it's possible to find someone who loves the pieces of you that everyone else made you feel were unloveable.
    the things that you'd tell other people and they'd either immediately or eventually use that information to hurt you. someone will love you even more because of the things you've been through.
  17. it's possible for two people to balance their relationship and their respective careers.
    there's literally never a time when someone can't do both, and if they care enough about you, they will.
  18. it's possible to know how you feel without needing space.
    at one point, i dated someone that i was on tour with. and after four weeks straight together, at the end of the tour, he told me that he wanted to know what it felt like to miss me. it devastated me, and eventually he told me that he regretted telling me this, and that he figured out that he never wanted to miss me again, but by then it was too late (for more reasons than just that).
  19. it's possible to find someone who loves like you do.
    if you take forever to fall in love or get comfortable with someone, you should date someone who is the same way. if you fall in love fast and hard, you should date someone who is the same way. if you fall in love slow and your partner falls in love fast, you're going to feel pressured and suffocated. if you fall in love fast and your partner falls in love slow, you're going to doubt their feelings and commitment. find someone who loves like you do.
  20. communication is vital.
    this seems obvious, but sometimes it's easier just not to talk about things.
  21. just because you miss someone doesn't mean they belong in your life.
  22. people always show us who they are. don't ignore it just because they're not actually who you wanted them to be.