because payback is necessary.
  1. "we're kind of bachelors."
    regarding our love lives.
  2. "it's just a bunch of strong ass independent girl power bitches who don't need no man, who are just trying to stop being sad."
  3. "if she could live with me for four months, she could for sure put up with you in a social setting."
  4. "After you called me a c*nt I wanted to put peanut butter all over your face."
    (Debby thinks proper punishment for my foul mouth = sending me into anaphylactic shock.)
  5. "this is shaping up to be a good night even though it's only the afternoon."
  6. "Couples massage?"
  7. "from literature."
  8. "my type is crayola hair."
  9. "I didn't have eyeliner so I borrowed a sharpie from the PR girl."
  10. "Anthony was there. I recognized him because he looked like Anthony."
    how @Debby recognizes people in the audience. cc @anthonyli
  11. "I'm yelping bingo."
  12. "every time you text me, I crave sushi."
    honestly this might be the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.
  13. "I just typed 'yelp' in to tumblr. I'm doing life wrong."
  14. "we used to make such good lists. do you want to spend the day together?"
  15. "i know the tip is included, but do you have to tip extra if you cry?"
  16. "google 'Justin Trudeau bubble butt.' i am VERY into politics lately."
  17. "if i had a stripper gram show up but it was just storm troopers there to play video games, he'd be the most excited boy."