literally verbatim: friday night.

  1. "I don't think we're allowed out in public."
    this should be our friendship's catch phrase.
  2. "remember that time you deep throated a bendy straw?"
  3. "excuse me. may I have the instant death, please?"
  4. "can we have each one of those?"
  5. "this is why I don't wear material like that. also, I have a hoodie in my bag."
  6. "it looks like she's been chasing parked cars."
  7. "I love it when signs are banners."
  8. "I would eat anything pickled."
    we have a new friend.
  9. "I'm sure she's lovely... but fuck her."
    beautiful, skinny people are the worst.
  10. "rich people don't get hot. it's science. it's freezing to get rich."
  11. "I'm gay for furniture. and for dads."
    followed by a story about a dad who sent him flowers.
  12. "they took it off Netflix but somebody named dawsonscreekfullepisode uploaded them all to YouTube a few weeks ago."
  13. "that's one of the reasons I cried before 7am."
  14. "I like a girl who eats."
    the waiter to someone at our table upon her ordering food.
  15. "you can find denim from like world war 2"
    someone crashed our dinner party and it's really weird.
  16. "guys why do my clothes keep voluntarily coming off?"
    I just. no. please no.
  17. "here's the thing about growing up in small town Oklahoma. no one is gay. so when I saw Brokeback Mountain..."
    I will spare you the end of this sentence.
  18. "my parents are old. I was a mistake."
    this makes a lot of sense.
  19. "I was also a mistake."
    this makes less sense.
  20. "my mom was convinced I was going to be a hobo."
  21. "nobody was asking me out in high school. I can promise you that."
    i want to throw myself off of this building right now.
  22. "I'm good at doing things. you're going to be so impressed."
    then she started listing things she's good at.
  23. "it must be cool to have parents that love each other."
    I admittedly got a little bitter. in my defense, today is also what would be my parents 37th wedding anniversary.
  24. "stacy hasn't felt anything since 2003."
    I have no idea where @Debby got this from. but. she's not totally wrong.
  25. "I thought that all of the dinosaurs we learned about were universal dinosaurs"
  26. "it's like Daria went swimming"
    Debby describes me in Mexico.
  27. "that was not what Snoop Dog was talking about when he wrote Gin & Juice"
    Green Juice from Pressed = the most LA gin & juice ever.
  28. "it looked like she got curb stomped but they stopped in the middle of it?"
  29. "I also sat on the little plug."