literally verbatim: shit my friends said.

  1. "also can we discuss that I had a dream wherein you were only introduced as my cynical jewnicorn?"
  2. "have you guys seen "'the cable boy'?"
    that's definitely not what it's called.
  3. "it's like Toms, but ethical."
    @kylecmoore makes it clear that he is not a fan of Toms.
  4. "I'm not even wearing black. everyone else is wearing all black."
    you can't sit with us.
  5. "you were born in the 80's. that's super cool."
    I am the oldest person at this party.
  6. "I'm glad we're in to the same things. like warmth. and chairs.
  7. "it's like if water tasted like almonds at first."
    ...while drinking almond milk.
  8. "oh he's DEFINITELY a fucking belieber."
  9. "I really want to bully him."
    the guy really does need someone to bully him though.
  10. "Rolls Royce. that's a car, right?"
  11. "God decided to sovereignly murder that bird."
  12. "she has my number, but she didn't text me."
    on whether or not someone else's girlfriend texted him.
  13. "his dick size grew three sizes that day."
    a beautiful ending to a beautiful story.
  14. "your apartment is near maximum swag."
    thank you but also what?
  15. "that's right up his degenerate alley"
    regarding a dude who hit on me two years ago when we were both in relationships and both of the people we were dating were in the room with us.