what i've done in the last 36 hours // this is heavy.

  1. ran back to my office panicked after receiving a call from my mom saying that I needed to take the next flight out
  2. purchased a one way flight to Miami using 55,000 AA miles
  3. drove home to my LA apartment and laid on the floor because I didn't know what to do with myself before my flight
  4. took a nap because I didn't know what to do with myself before my flight
  5. went to the airport. walked past my gate because my mind is not currently attached to my body. found my way back to my gate. boarded my flight.
  6. landed in Miami at 6am and went straight to my grandparents house.
  7. held my grandfather's hand and told him that I loved him about 1903 times.
  8. took a nap holding my grandfather's hand.
  9. counted the breaths per minute that my grandfather was taking.
  10. held his hand while he started taking less frequent, more labored breaths.
  11. watched him take his last breath
  12. held his hand and kissed his forehead and told him I loved him about 100 times after he passed away
  13. told my brother, upon him entering the condo, that my grandfather had passed away.
  14. wept with everyone in my family.
  15. sat next to my brother in the room with my grandfather and told stories about him and how he changed our lives.
  16. spent amazing quality time with my family. told stories about my grandfather.
  17. saw the gurney and positively lost my shit.
  18. wept.
  19. wept some more.
  20. sat at the dinner table and ate dinner with my family.
  21. said goodbye to everyone but my grandmother.
  22. talked to my grandmother about everything that happened leading up to this.
  23. laid in bed with my grandmother until she fell sleep.
  24. put on an instrumental playlist to spotify
  25. wrote. a lot. about everything that happened.
  26. took a Xanax or two or three.
  27. made this list.