BREAKUP CURES

It's fun to see all the variations on this. Here's mine: a list of advice that's much easier to give than to follow.
  1. 1.
    Live in the sad
    I've talked about this before, but it's basically my motto for coping. Something shitty happened to you? Then feel shitty about it! You are entitled to it! Cry and and make playlists with all the sad songs that remind you of him/her and cry some more. Process your emotions. There's a saying that it takes you half the time you loved someone to get over someone -- so it could be a long road ahead of you. You're gonna be sad a lot, might as well start with accepting your sadness.
  2. 2.
    Talk to your friends
    Make sure you have at least two (ideally three or four) close friends you can tell everything to. Every detail about your breakup, your current emotional state, the last time you showered, how you Facebook-stalked your ex at 4am. Tell your friends and let them be there for you. It's important to have more than one friend you are comfortable being a mess with because it's valuable to not only get different opinions & perspectives, but it's good to not dump all your emotions onto one person.
  3. 3.
    Talk to your therapist
    Unlike your friends you are paying someone to listen to your problems so talk your fucking face off! Shit if you need to go to therapy twice a week, then go twice a week! And if you don't have a therapist, find one -- simply in retelling the history of your relationship and break up to someone new and outside of your life you may learn things about yourself or discover thoughts and feelings about your ex have already changed.
  4. 4.
    You do you
    Put yourself first. You're no longer a half of a partnership, so you can prioritize your own needs and in this instance, while things are especially shitty or weird, you should. You need to heal and if that means taking an impulsive trip to Mexico with girlfriends or going on a shopping spree or playing hooky from work and just reading a book all day, do what you need to do to reset, clear your mind, and try to remember what it's like to only have to worry about yourself.
  5. 5.
    Throw out most all of your ex's stuff
    I like to imagine doing this Waiting to Exhale style but try to take a less dramatic approach if possible. On this one, timing is important -- too soon and you may get rid of something you'll later regret. Too long and you'll find yourself enmeshed in emotions you'd already tried to process and may now have to relive them. Do it when it's hard but necessary. When it makes you reflect on yourself, your former partner, the relationship and let these reflections be cathartic and empowering.
  6. 6.
    Unfollow your ex on all social media
    You'll probably end up peeking every now and then anyway but at least then you're actively making that choice rather than being passive, and remember you can put yourself first right now, so take action.
  7. 7.
    Crush the field
    Don't play the field -- just crush it. Try to find as many people to have a crush on. The barista who never spells your name right but seems to try anyway. The friendly dogwalker you smile at every day. Your hot neighbor you only see in the parking garage. The ListApper who just followed you. Just start having crushes, start to think about getting excited to see or hear or just have a small interaction with someone and let it put a smile on your face. They probably all have a crush on you too!
  8. 8.
    Exercise
    If you already do on the reg, great, keep going!!! Try mixing it up with a new yoga studio or something you don't normally do. If you aren't a compulsive exerciser, approach it like a new hobby. Do it first thing in the morning if you can, you'll clear your mind, sweat it out, sleep better, be happier and bonus: your bod is gonna be banging and that's gonna make you feel extra great.
  9. 9.
    Get Tinder/Hinge/Coffee Meets Bagel/OK Cupid/whatever the online dating app of the moment is
    Just to see what you're dealing with, you don't have to go on any dates yet. And it might seem like you have no prospects and you're doomed, but just keep doing it, and one day you'll swipe right for the hell of it and discover you have a match and you'll get a little thrill and it's all gravy from there.
  10. 10.
    Rage
    Find your inner party animal and set it free. This is a very important part of curing your break up. When you are ready, make yourself look and feel fine as fuck, get together with some friends and go get nuts. Find a bar with the hottest clientele or a house party or just take an Uber to the Morongo and order a lot of whiskey and play some slots. Have a blast, live it up, forget everything else for a night or weekend and just get after it.
  11. 11.
    Have sex with someone other than your ex
    Get over someone else by getting under someone new. Or on top, or you know, whatever your preference.
  12. 12.
    If all else fails eat some pizza and french fries and cookies and ice cream
    The cure for everything!