1. Use a hair straightener as an iron
  2. Use a silk dress as a silk pillow case
  3. Invite people over and then ask them to bring you things when they're already on the way
    Classic move. Almost always works.
  4. In emergencies or when you are just bored in traffic, use an earring back to pick your teeth
  5. Never learn how to cook
    Cooking requires effort and money -- things you do not have to spare when you are lazy and/or poor! Instead, learn how to put together filling meal-like snacks, find someone to cook for you, become intimately acquainted with all taco stands within a mile of your house, and have a great regular delivery spot for the times you know it's worth it because you'll at least have leftovers!
  6. Raining = free car wash
  7. Sweet talk anyone and everyone you know into giving you their wifi password, HBO Go password, Netflix password, Amazon Prime password, Hulu plus password, social security number, etc.
    Good to have back ups in case someone changes their password or cancels their membership or fucks with you.
  8. Never join a gym and instead say you are visiting from out of town or just moved and then do all the visitor and new member packages at every single workout studio you can find but always make them think you're definitely probably going to buy a package even though you definitely probably won't
  9. The ocean = a shower
  10. Can't afford a juice cleanse? Just take twice the regular amount of Adderall you're prescribed and skip dinners for a week!
    Probably not doctor recommended.
  11. Date, a lot
    Nine times out of ten, gender norms hold true and voila, free dinner!!!! Bonus: maybe you'll meet someone! Extra Bonus: maybe you'll meet a reality star! I briefly dated a guy who was on Tila Tequila: Shot at Love and do I regret that? Well, he was great at cooking and sex, so only a little bit less than I should!
  12. Can't afford to fix your car/bathroom/closet/computer/parents' marriage/life?
    DUCT TAPE!!!