MY TERRIBLE TINDER DATE

The plan: grab a bite and then go to a screening of CHAPPIE. His suggestion.
  1. Pre-date I was already having doubts. Wasn't sure I really thought he was cute, he came across a little douchey in our messaging and told me outright he'd never had a second Tinder date.
    I should have listened to my instincts and just not responded to his incessant Tinder messaging but I'm really trying to extend myself, be open to anyone, etc, people can be really different in person and also just going on a date can be fun no matter what... Or at least these are all the things I said to convince myself.
  2. I had to meet him at 6pm in front of the DGA on Sunset Blvd
    I live near the beach. I had to drive to the heart of the Sunset Strip during rush hour. This required me to leave my house at 4:45pm. I knew I should have backed out the second I got in the car and Waze told me I'd have an hour and fifteen minutes of traffic to sit through.
  3. HE DID NOT TELL ME HIS NAME
    On Tinder his name was "A.a." During our chatting he never clarified what that meant. I introduced myself when we met. HE DID NOT. I then asked, "So do you go by AA, or what?" as a rouse to get him to say his name but this failed completely: he just laughed and said "No, it's because of Facebook. Where do you want to grab a bite to eat?" And then I was too chicken shit to ask his name and moved on to being annoyed that he hadn't picked out a place to eat yet. Also "because of Facebook?" What????
  4. Disgusting table manners
    Like gulping, chomping, talking with food in his mouth... This was a 43 year old man, by the way, so there is NO EXCUSE for such behavior.
  5. He talked about stalking me on Facebook
    Dude, everyone does it (except me because I didn't know his name) but don't own up to it within five minutes.
  6. Said "and you went to Middlebury, so you're actually smart! Not just another blonde girl!"
    This was before we'd even ordered a drink. I contemplated leaving then and there but just shrugged and said "Yup! I guess I'm smart." Also cool blonde joke, A.a.
  7. Did not ask me one question about myself
    Not one. The closest we came to this was when I was asking him about what movies he worked on (he's an editor) and he said "oh right you're a writer I didn't know what exactly that meant you wrote" and then proceeded to tell me more about himself.
  8. I had more chemistry with our waiter
    And I'm like 80% certain the waiter was gay. Probably would have still been a better date.
  9. Zero self-awareness
    From his outfit to his manners to his anecdotes -- it was all cringe-worthy. I remained as kind and polite as possible but when he started talking about why he's a more legitimate Star Wars fanboy than other fanboys because of some deep cuts of the films he bought from someone in Prague, I started to tune out. (side note, I love Star Wars so I'm all about the nerds, but not nerds who think they're better than everyone else)
  10. Said "I love movies but I don't watch TV. There isn't anything that great. And who has the time."
    This is such an antiquated view of television and films I can't stand it. Get over yourself.
  11. Made a BIG show of paying for dinner
    We were at The Counter, the local chain burger joint on Sunset next to the Coffee Bean. Nothing special. When the check came he didn't look at it and instead just made a big show of throwing down his card. I said "thank you so much!" with as much enthusiasm as I could muster and he said "well the movie is free so you're still a cheap date!" Cool. Thank you. Do we have time for me to order seven more beers? No? Let's go see this terrible movie then.
  12. The person who worked at the DGA knew him by name when we walked into the screening
    She said "Hi Aseem!" I don't know if that's how you spell it and I'll never know, because he never told me, but I finally learned his name. From someone else. And it's totally cool if you go to a lot of screenings, we work in the industry this is a normal thing, of course someone might know you by name, but do you really need to respond with a sassy "Woah I guess you know me!" as though you've never done this before? Ugh!!!!
  13. Spoke at normal volume before and during the movie
    Look, I'm loud and I sometimes comment during movies so I know I'm not one to talk, but this felt like the peak of his lack of self-awareness. Dude, it's a date! Be your best self, not a rude asshole who is talking so loudly that people sitting near us are clearly agitated by it. And at an industry screening you could be sitting next to someone who worked on the film, so like, maybe don't be a dick about it? And yeah, the movie itself was bad enough without your running commentary.
  14. CHAPPIE is not a good movie
    I mean I knew this going into it but the curiosity factor (and a former love for Die Antwoord) gave me false hope. But guys, it was really bad. Not even so bad it was good. Although it was so bad it was funny, at least. I chuckled a bit. Aseem laughed a lot at moments he deemed ridiculous, which he also told me he thought were ridiculous because again, he told me AT FULL VOLUME.
  15. He visibly did not want to walk me to my car
    Dude. It's a parking garage at night and my car was around a corner -- I don't care if he thought I was a mute ice queen at that point, you still walk a girl to her car in a parking garage at night. Yes, even if you have to walk by your own car and go out of the way to do so. Man the fuck up, Aseem.
  16. I was so repulsed by the date I stopped at McDonald's for a vanilla cone on my way home
    Actually, this was the best part of the night.
  17. Upside? It's a story.
    Thank you for forcing me to relive this @mandi, because it is a nice reminder that online dating, while often terrible, can make for some highly entertaining stories.