PEOPLE IN MY YOGA CLASS THIS MORNING

The Yoga Collective on Rose Ave in Venice. Always lots of regulars, weirdos, and actors. I love it.
  1. Lauren, the teacher
    Nina Dobrev lookalike who is the only person besides Yolanda Foster that can pull off white Lululemon leggings. If she started a cult I'd join in a heartbeat. I'm going on a retreat she's leading in Napa at the end of the month and my "intention" is to make her my best friend.
  2. Meredith, the show-off and occasional sub
    Meredith sometimes teaches Lauren's classes when Lauren is on a retreat or like traveling through India with her hot yogi fiancé Travis, but the rest of the time Meredith takes classes like the rest of us plebeians and is constantly handstanding (more like grandstanding AM I RIGHT? #jokes) when no one else is. We get it, Meredith. Also she left right before shavasana which is kind of rude because really you have to make all that noise when you get up a mere five minutes before class ends anyway?
  3. Dude who wears all white everything and sighs really loud
    He sometimes tops off his all-white karate (minus a belt) look with a white beanie. Unclear if this is a fashion choice or life choice. He loves to sigh and also hug various women after class. Who is he? I'll never know.
  4. Jody, nice lady who always says hi to me
    Couples therapist teaching a two-day workshop about yoga and intimacy next weekend (revealed during the end-of-class announcements). I love me some yoga but that is the opposite of interesting to me. Has a hot husband. They're regulars. Always in the front row. Always so friendly it's borderline suspicious.
  5. Dude who doesn't believe in deodorant and punishes the rest of us
    I respect that everyone has different and very personal beliefs about hygiene and I'm all for you doing you but like, maybe think twice before you go to a yoga class where you're gonna sweat on other people and make the entire place stink of patchouli because the rest of us didn't sign up for that.
  6. Mamie Gummer
    Left after the first 50 minutes which is honestly in my opinion more polite than leaving right before shavasna (ahem, Meredith). Also it's pilot season still I think so like maybe she had an audition to get to or something.
  7. Glamorous foreign older lady who doesn't give any fucks
    Basically does whatever she wants, always in head-to-toe matching gear. One time she brought her dog to class and he just sat at the front of her mat for the full 90 minutes, also not giving any fucks. Is probably Swedish or Czech or something.
  8. Josh, grumpy studio co-owner
    When I signed in this morning he asked where my friend Becca had been the past few months and when I explained she'd taken a new job that had more traditional 9-5 type hours so she couldn't ever really make the class times at this studio anymore he looked at me horrified and confused.
  9. Andrew Keegan
    Okay so he wasn't actually in class but I walked by his cult building on my way home and he was gardening in the front yard. This is like the fourth time I've seen him gardening in the front yard this month. Can't he get one of his cult members to do it? Or maybe he just likes gardening a lot. Maybe gardening is Andrew Keegan's yoga.