The X-Files is my first television love and the entire reason I'm still making a go of this TV writer thing. I'll leave the real storytelling to the masters, so let's have some fun!!!!
  1. Part One: "La Verité"
    Let's assume Chris Carter is running this show again (fingers crossed it's actually a combination of Vince Gilligan/Howard Gordon/me), in which case he'll kick things off with a mytharc heavy episode, and something that references THE TRUTH, hence the French title which is like, cryptic enough. The aliens didn't colonize the world in 2012 (duh) but even crazier: The Cigarette Smoking Man is ALIVE and has been trying to track to down Mulder and Scully for one purpose only: to reopen The X-Files.
  2. Part Two: "Out There"
    Their first case back in the good ol' FBI basement is ripped from the headlines in classic X-Files style: planes keep disappearing and The Cigarette Smoking Man (CSM for brevity going forward) knows that Malayasia Airlines Flight 370 was actually abducted by our alien enemies and it's up to Mulder and Scully to figure out how. Except Scully's all "Mulder, aliens aren't real!" and Mulder's all huffy about it because Scully should sure as shit believe by now. Skinner pops by to reprimand them.
  3. Part Three: "Just Kidding"
    PSYCH! The CSM isn't actually alive he's an ALIEN CLONE and that's what Skinner was trying to tell them last week! Scully still doesn't believe, even after The CSM admits there's no way he survived the helicopter bombings and then she and Mulder get separated in a large biochemical plant and then it's 30 minutes of them yelling "Mulder!" and "Scully!" over and over again until they find each other and hug and almost make out but don't because they have intimacy issues.
  4. Part Four: "Where's Waldo?"
    Remember when Mulder and Scully had a kid and then Scully gave him up for adoption because of some crazy alien threat? Well turns out William is now a cult leader/Soul Cycle instructor in Los Angeles but only because he's been brainwashed by The CSM to begin implementing alien ideology into unassuming humans. Scully gets kind of obsessed with Soul and juicing until Mulder is like WTF now the aliens are winning are you sure you don't believe in aliens yet and Scully's like "I believe in ME!"
  5. Part Five: "Breaking Bad"
    This episode is basically going to be an hourlong ode to Walter White because Chris Carter is surfing when they break story for this episode and Vince Gilligan is all, fuck it, my show now. Mulder and Scully are going to discover that a mobile meth lab isn't producing meth, it's producing an antidote to an alien disease that The Syndicate plans to spread throughout the human race and they have to stop it from happening. TWIST: the dude in the hoodie making the meth? It's Krycek, bitch.
  6. Part Six: "In Here"
    Scully's been abducted (again) and the entire episode is split between Mulder running around in circles screaming "Scully!" and Scully chilling with the aliens who are showing her all sorts of cool advanced medical techniques because TWIST the aliens don't want to kill us, they're actually nice! Then they give Scully back to Mulder and she says "Mulder, the truth was in here all along" while pointing to her brain. Then they finally make out and it's actually really well-lit for once. The end.