SOME THINGS I INVENTED

  1. Braces Logic
    So you know when you are in middle school and your friends all get braces and you're like I WANT BRACES which is insane because NO ONE wants braces, but you do because everyone else is getting extra attention and glow-in-the-dark retainers so why not? Braces Logic. Makes no sense. This logic applies to other inconvenient things that aren't actually good, like having to wear glasses or breaking a bone and getting a cast.
  2. The Eponine Complex
    I mentioned this on @aprilkquioh's list "First Love" but let me break it down for you here: Eponine loved Marius SO MUCH that she was willing to help set him up with Cosette even though it tore her up inside. And then Marius and Cosette got a happy ending and yeah Eponine got the best song but it was about being alone and also SHE DIED! Girls who are secretly in love with boys they are friends with but help them get other girls have an Eponine Complex. It rarely ends well. Don't be Eponine!
  3. FOMO
    So I was actually the first to write about FOMO on the internet but all these other people get credit for coining the term like the NYT's Jenna Wortham and some doctor in Australia and the lady who invented Picasa but like, it was me, I swear and the publish date on this HuffPost column I wrote PROVES IT GODDAMN it! http://huff.to/1aZfeOQ Okay yeah I wrote it as "comedy" but still that should count!
  4. Gypster
    I did a brief stint as a trend forecaster (anyone get the Cassandra Report? Hi I wrote all the TV and digital trends in 2009) and we would periodically cover "new slang" but what usually ended up happening was we'd just make stuff up, hence: gypster. I described it as a free-spirited hipster who dressed like Johnny Depp (in Chocolat or real life). I remember seeing gypster in the pilot script for MTV's I JUST WANT MY PANTS BACK a few months after we'd published and I felt pretty cool for a day.
  5. Wadderall
    When you're like two or three hours into writing and you took an Adderall before you started but you're sort of over it and feeling like you're maybe hitting a wall so then you smoke some weed and BOOM you're back in! You got jokes and creative ideas to add to that script/essay/novel/presentation so you keep writing with renewed energy! Okay truth be told @shinyunicorn came up with the name, and yeah I probably wasn't the first to do this, but whatever, as far as I'm concerned I invented it.