SOME THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM ONE NIGHT STANDS

It's been a while since I've had a one night stand but for a good chunk of my twenties this was a semi-regular occurrence. Oh how times have changed! But I'm so glad I went through that phase because it was fun, I got my number up, made some valuable mistakes and most importantly -- I learned a lot. *Names have been changed-ish.
  1. Dudes don't care what kind of bra you are wearing; they care about boobs (thanks, Chad!)
    I wasn't even planning on going out that night which is why I was wearing a sports bra. Was I super self-conscious about the fact that I was rocking Lululemon's finest "Free to Be" in neon pink? Yes. Did Chad care? NOPE! Guys don't care. They are way too stoked they're gonna get laid to wonder why your bra is so plain and simple and easy to navigate.
  2. The guy you feel embarrassed about sleeping with you will barely remember in a year (thanks... George? I think his name was George?)
    This was a one night stand where I woke up feeling a lot of unnecessary guilt for about a week after the fact. Have I thought about this since? Up until this moment, no.
  3. If he doesn't call you a cab home or drive you there himself, he's definitely only worthy of a one night stand (thanks, Connor!)
    First of all, dick move. You should always offer to call an uber or walk her out -- you got some sex, it's the least you can do. Secondly, if he doesn't, then definitely don't spend one second over-thinking the night. Did you get yours? Good. Onto the next.
  4. Don't be a dummy. In other words: no glove, no love (thanks, Matt!)
    Also, thanks for the HPV! Only time I made that mistake. This guy was the worst: I was visiting friends junior year of college, met him at a party and went home with him, not knowing he had a girlfriend until she woke us up the next morning. See? The worst. I felt awful about myself and the whole situation for a long time afterward (I think I still might) and I definitely learned a lesson I already knew the hard way around.
  5. Do things on your terms (thanks, Marco!)
    For me that means whose house I want to end up at. One night stands taught me that it's nice to be able to bounce when you want. In other words, go to his house. Otherwise you might find yourself brainstorming how to get a snoring Italian man out of your bed at 4am without being crazy rude. On the flip side, when he finally leaves in the morning and instantly having your bed to yourself without having to move can be a Godsend. Either way, do what makes you the most comfortable.
  6. Don't leave your iTunes open unless you want a total stranger telling you their thoughts on your Top 25 Most Played songs (thanks, Eric!)
    Yes, I really do like the song that plays over the credits sequence from the mostly-forgotten Bruce Willis movie Tears of the Sun that much.
  7. When you don't feel like having a one night stand, that's totally a-okay (thanks, Jonathan Taylor Thomas lookalike!)
    Almost had a one night stand about a month ago, and didn't. And I woke up the next morning so, so happy to be sprawled out in my bed all alone. Even though I could have fulfilled some of my pre-adolescent JTT-related fantasies I realized I'd rather have sex with someone I cared about and was dating and actually wanted to share my bed with and knowing that made me feel so, so relieved.
  8. Sometimes it can turn into a two night stand. Or three. Or more. You just never know (thanks, Tim!)
    A seven year on-and-off again relationship -- and probably the most significant relationship of my life to date -- started in what I thought would be just a one night stand. I'm glad it wasn't. We're still friends.