THE SECRETS TO MY SUCCESS!!!!!

*success is relative
  1. 1.
    Yoga!
    I could talk for daaaaaays about how important yoga is to me and all the positive benefits it's had on my life but if you also do yoga you probably feel the same way, and if you don't then you definitely don't want to hear me talk about it.
  2. 2.
    Prozac!
    One time my primary care physician told me she thinks Prozac should be in our water system and you know what I think she's right!!!!!!!!!
  3. 3.
    Masturbate!
    Duh.
  4. 4.
    Sleep 8 hours every night!
    I don't know who those people are that only need 5 hours of sleep or how they do it. I just know that I learned that I am a person who needs 8 hours every night so I structure my life as best I can to make that happen. Even if it cuts into my TV watching, socializing, exercising, etc. I make it happen because otherwise I'm not the best me I can be -- I'm a confused and irritable cranky monster.
  5. 5.
    Live in the sad!
    I like to pretend this is a thing so I can say "I coined this meaningful term about how important it is to let yourself feel your feelings" but it is advice I do give people a lot, because it helped me. After my mom died I made an active point to face my grief head on, to feel the pain and emotion and process it so that I could learn how to go forward. I didn't cloud my pain or escape my grief with chemicals or substances. I allowed myself to be sad and eventually I wasn't as sad. I was okay.
  6. 6.
    Make lists!
    I think one of the reasons I love this app so much is because I was already an obsessive list-maker. I love to organize my thoughts and making a list is the best way to do that. When I write something new the first thing I do is just write the entire story as a list. Oh I also use white boards all over my house for daily lists! I'm a freak for whiteboards I wrote a @hellogiggles post about whiteboards like two years ago thank you for letting me do that @sophia I mean it was about whiteboards.
  7. 7.
    Drink lots of water!
    This is just so helpful for me personally because I am always thirsty so if I'm just constantly quenching that thirst (again, gonna plug my Swell water bottle that I carry around with me everywhere) I'm a happier person. Also there's like all sorts of health benefits I guess I don't even know I just like drinking water a lot.
  8. 8.
    Adderall + Weed!
    Life changing combo for me because I hate the side effects of my Adderall but if I don't take it my ADHD is bad so when I start to feel bitchy and I have the shakes and I'm thirsty and cold but sweaty and my stomach feels like a hollow pit because I haven't eaten but also nothing appeals to me, I smoke some weed and all that stuff goes away and I'm back to what I imagine a regular-functioning human being is like, with a bonus little buzz on top. Especially nice during a long day of writing.
  9. 9.
    Never fall in love!!!!!!
    Okay this is MY success we are talking about and I am gonna confess that I have never been in love. FOR REAL. And while sometimes this makes me sad (I mean my mom was probably the great love of my life but that's different I've never been in love with a guy I've dated or been with) I think in many ways I'm lucky because I don't know what I'm missing. Weird logic but also I read a NYT article recently that cited a study that basically said the same thing. Ignorance is bliss you guys!!!!
  10. 10.
    You do you!
    This is my life motto. YOU DO YOU. Put yourself first. Don't act out of obligation or expectation, act with purpose and from your heart. Don't be a selfish asshole, but make decisions based on what you want and care about, not what you think other people want and care about. Live with conviction. It's like on The Bachelor when they're always talking about being there for the "right reasons" and yeah the show is insane but they have a point -- have a reason, know your reason, embrace your reason!