THE SPECIAL SKILLS SECTION OF MY RESUME

Sir(s) and/or Madam(e)(s) hello how are you let me tell you about some of the things I can do you will probably want to hire me after you read these congratulations!
  1. Eat a bag of Tate's cookies in one sitting
  2. Build a campfire
    I was a certified Maine Junior Woodsman when I was ten NBD
  3. Loosely explain how crystals work
  4. Convince you if you should or should not buy something if you need help being convinced one way or the other
    Just tell me which way first and I'll get you there
  5. Say "I like ice cream" in Norweigan
  6. Roll a joint
  7. Be on a liquid diet for eight weeks
    I had my jaw wired shut so this wasn't like, a choice, but I did it and could do it again I suppose but I'd want a good salary and full benefits including a parking spot
  8. Whistle
  9. Name season and episode title of any X-Files episode within two minutes of viewing
    Admittedly, I've gotten rusty on this one but it's still something worth mentioning should you be looking for an X-Files Archivist or Knower of X-Files Stuff and Things I'm your gal!
  10. Tell you the same jokes/stories at least three times but no more than five
  11. Count to ten in Mandarin
  12. Pull off any haircut/color
    I've had it long, brown, blonde, white, pink, silver, purple, lob, bob, blob, straight, curly, wavy, red, copper, brassy, mousey and currently: a light brown pixie cut which I can grow at a pace of an inch every three months I've measured
  13. Lose my phone/keys/wallet in my/your home for long stretches of time
  14. Go three days without leaving my apartment
    It happened once but I could make this a regular thing if needed
  15. Microsoft Excel