Just a few things that make me go OFF!
- 1.Paul Haggis' voiceMy first job in LA out of college was working for Paul's lit manager and let's just say, the whole thing was very Season One Entourage Ari & Lloyd. Paul is a good guy but just the sound of his voice brings me back to the dark days of crying in my car to and from work everyday. I watched the Scientology doc last night and was stoked to see Paul being such a baller but hearing him talk was like encountering a ghost from my past.
- 2.Tate's Chocolate Chip CookiesA trigger in the sense that I fucking love these cookies, maybe even more than homemade chocolate chip cookies, and if I get a bag I will eat at least half of it in one sitting, and we're lucky if I haven't demolished both sleeves of cookies by the end of the day. I have zero self control when it comes to Tate's. They are the Pringles of cookies you simply cannot have just one!
- 3.Dead FlowersAnyone who's lost a loved one will probably feel me on this -- basically I cannot tolerate the smell of dead flowers for a minute, and I can sniff a dead flower out well before anyone else realizes their bouquet is long gone. I don't even like getting flowers because I know they will die eventually. Is this some sort of low-grade PTSD related to my mother's premature death when I was a teenager? Yes, for sure, but I could be way more fucked up so hating dead flowers ain't so bad!
- 4.MayonnaiseI fucking hate mayonnaise (see my list "THINGS THAT ARE THE WORST" for more info). In fact I think it's the only thing in the world I truly hate, which by the way, I was told on my yoga retreat this past weekend, might be a good thing, because I'm channeling all my hate into one object. Sure. Whatever. I think mayo is disgusting and fuck those restaurants that put it on their burgers without listing it on the menu that is NOT COOL.
- 5.My brother's cat, NevaThe other day @shinyunicorn told me I could probably fill an entire therapy session talking about my relationship with my brother's cat and she's not wrong.
- 6.Anyone I work for saying "Annie can I talk to you for a second?"Related to Trigger #1, in that when my first boss would say this (or ask me to come into his office), it usually meant I had done something wrong and was maybe being fired, and at the very least I would be reprimanded, and belittled. This fear has now trickled into every job I've had since and when I can, I like to tell whoever my boss is to maybe add "it's nothing bad!" so I don't start prematurely cleaning out my desk.
- 7.CrystalsCrystals are a different kind of trigger in the sense that I started to get into them about a year ago and now I have bought SO MANY and now I cannot NOT buy a few whenever I walk by a crystal store. I TOTALLY understand how after The Hills Heidi and Spencer lost all their money on crystals!!!! I get it, Speidi, I really do!!!!
- 8.A man starting a sentence with: "Maybe it's a gender thing, but..."A close girlfriend of mine's serious boyfriend started a sentence with this recently, and followed it with "my friends didn't seem to struggle as much with their careers as you all have." I wanted to GO OFF on him and say a million things including, go eat shit, but you gotta pick your battles and I was a guest at their house so I just delicately extricated myself from the conversation and vowed never to get stuck one-on-one with him again.
- 9.Hot WASPy dudes who only wear khakis because they don't even own jeans and probably voted for George W. Bush BOTH times and definitely played lacrosse and/or tennis in prep school and/or college and act like they couldn't give a shit about me/women in generalAka every guy I dated/pined for in high school, college, and my early 20s. Sets me off in that I am almost always instantly attracted to this human being who I also instantly kind of hate. Still working on not getting googily-eyed over every tall blond man I see.
- 10."is Diet Pepsi okay?"NO! NO DIET PEPSI IS NEVER OKAY. I would rather have zero soda than my own unlimited fountain of this piss-poor replacement for the divine syrup that is Diet Coke.
- 11.Anyone who claims pot makes people lazy or slowHey just because smoking some ganj makes you lazy that doesn't apply to everyone. Not everyone who drinks alcohol is an addict! There's such a gap between how we culturally approach cannabis vs alcohol. I am glad the stereotype of a stoner is starting to shift but so many people are still so close-minded about weed in ways that feel hypocritical. It's not for everyone, sure. Is anything? For some of us, pot is a magical life elixir that inspires creativity, motivation and high-functionality!
- 12.Katherine HeiglNever forget, before Anne Hathaway was Anne Hathaway, Katherine Heigl was Anne Hathaway. (Who is Anne Hathaway now, I wonder?)