WHY I SHOULD BE WRITING ON FULLER HOUSE
Thank you for LR-ing me this, Shiny, except now you're gonna have to hear me talk alllll about me.
- •Refresher: in my last list I decided I needed to write on Fuller House as a means to get my dream webseries "Stamos Versus Stamos" made.This obviously remains a VERY important goal (if not my most important life goal -- is that sad? Should I feel sad that my most important life goal is to make a Stamos vs. Stamos web series?) but indulge me as I elaborate further.
- •I am Stamos. It's not just my username, but what most of my close friends actually call me and have called me for more than half my life!Here's the origin story: In high school I was really good friends with a group of guys the year above me who were basically the school's unofficial nickname givers. My freshmen year they just started calling me Stamos, I think at first because it kind of resembled Stamell, but it probably helped that I was one of those girls who threw parties and drank booze because those things warranted a comparison to Uncle Jesse-levels of coolness in my HS. People also called my house "Club Stamos."
- •So yeah, I am Stamos just as much as John Stamos is Stamos. Like, pretty much. Basically. Almost.Stamos vs. Stamos was hatched first on my blog where I would just act like he and I were competing in arbitrary events and write posts awarding each of us points. It then became a column for HuffPost because they allowed a seemingly random person with his last name for a nickname to review every TV guest starring appearance John Stamos did as well as rank him on a "Stamos-Meter." His publicist emailed me once to say "thanks for your support!" but did not respond to my reality show ideas.
- •John Stamos is EP-ing the reboot but we all know what that means.It means sometimes he won't be around and he's gonna need to make sure he's got a Stamos looking out for Stamos' best interests when he ain't there and I got his back and get his vibe and can just be that Stamos he needs me to be because I basically invented the Stamos-Meter actually that's exactly what I did, I invented it.
- •So now we that we can all agree I'm operating on a Stamos-Meter level of 💯 let's move on to the next important reason I should be writing on Fuller House: I am alllll about that female friendship-driven nostalgia-infused family comedy life!!!ALL. ABOUT. IT.
- •I'm all about that nostalgia factor, that #TBT, that outdated catchphrase, that Aunt Becky-approved blazer, that Kimmy Gibbler fringe (hair and/or jackets), that lifelong Mary Kate and Ashley obsession, that hella San Francisco vibe, those sisterly duties, that annoying neighbor, that DAVE COULIER!!
- •I got jokes! And not just any old jokes, DAD JOKES!!!!!Here's one from a show I wrote on for ABC Family a few years ago. "Why is the ballerina dancing across the road? Because she has tutu much time on her hands!" HOW KNEE-SLAPPING GOOD IS THAT!!??? Okay yeah the show was canceled after eight episodes but I still get those green residual checks every now and then and yeah we're talking about that bigtime Dad joke money guys, like at least ten cents every six months!!!!
- •I got my finger on the pulse.Of what? Of whatever's pulsing! I know about FOMO, Froyo, YOLO, gigolos, yogi toes, surfer bros, garden hoes, and all three of the stooges yes even Moe. Oh you didn't know that the kids are into rhyming these days? Well they aren't but they sure are into VINE-ing! Boom there's that finger on the pulse right there!!!!!!
- •I know what is cool and not cool and also what is "cool" and "not cool"Inquire within.
- •My parents divorced when I was 12 and then my mom died when I was 20.I know, that's super NOT cool. But if the first go-round of Full House taught us anything it's that an unconventional upbringing provides for a lot of storytelling and a lot of lessons to be learned. And considering the reboot is following a similar plot (single musician Stephanie and single mom Kimmie move in with pregnant and recently widowed DJ) I feel absolutely confident that I've got the life experience required to tackle those themes and tell those stories and teach those lessons!
- •I would do everything I possibly could to ensure an homage to Comet, and ideally one of Comet's offspring would now be DJ's current dog and okay I'm just spitballing here but we could call that dog Comet: The Sequel.I write a pet dog into anything and everything I can. If I had my way that dog could also talk, but maybe I'll save that for the episode when DJ accidentally eats some of Stephanie's "special cookies" and goes on an adventure with Comet: The Sequel and they have an extensive discussion over tacos in The Mission about whether or not the afterlife is real. (DJ thinks it is and it's probably just a big roller skating rink, but Comet: The Sequel ain't so sure).
- •I would totally not be all up in Jodie Sweetin's business about her troubled past because I know my place.My place is as John Stamos' best friend/archival.
- •I would be all up in Candace Cameron-Buré's business because sometimes she and I are in the same Cardio Barre class and I feel like she picked up lots of hot workout tips on DWTS that she should share with the world and/or ListApp.Because I would want to become so close to Candace that I'd feel comfortable being like "hey girl, let me tell you about this cool app I can get you on" but not so close that John Stamos would feel threatened by our relationship.
- •I can write.Samples available upon request and when I say samples I just mean LISTS ON LISTS ON LISTS (JK I have a handful of real half-hour samples I know how this works even if I am pretending like the ListApp community has hiring power in this scenario. Unless one of you is in fact working on the show and actually does have hiring power, and then this list is DEFINITELY FOR YOU AND I CAN SEND YOU ALL THE SAMPLES I AM SORRY I'M YELLING I'M JUST GETTING EXCITED!)
- •I could be the writers' room source of unhinged 1am energy and crazy outfits and access to prescription pills and needy actress hand-holding and oh shit do I love to write on whiteboards I've got those boards covered for daaaays.Because I mean, yeah, you need to know how to write but also you need to know how to be a person that can work well with other people and these are just a few of my special skills.
- •And lastly I don't know if I've mentioned it but I am Stamos.See: this outfit from earlier today. Just an example of how I like to keep things on brand. This lewk is very on brand for we Stamoses. Also when I did a ladies-only fantasy football draft for two years I called my team Uncle Jesse and the Rippers. I came in last place both years and that's not very on brand for we Stamoses but hey -- even Uncle Jesse can't win them all.
- •Real Talk: I love the projects I have now and I'm super proud of the talk show I did for CW Seed (and we just got picked up for next year!!!) but writing and producing unscripted TV is one thing, while writing scripted, narrative, comedic half-hours? Well, that's the dream, baby.And I'm all about following dreams!