THINGS I'VE HEARD ON TELEVISION THAT NO ONE HAS EVER SAID TO ME

A running list of things no one has ever felt compelled to tell me
  1. "Your spirit is infectious" - Togetherness, HBO
    The only time I've been told I was infectious, I had a bad case of strep.
  2. "I can tell you ski, you've got the legs for the sport" - Sex And The City, HBO
    I went skiing once. I made it all the way down the bunny hill. Maybe my confidence would have been higher had someone complimented my legs.
  3. "I'm not saying you wouldn't make a great physician, but you're already an artist" - Felicity, CW
    I watched all 15 seasons of ER and in my mind can perform a tracheotomy. No one else seems to think so.