1. I'm a professional surfer
    "Oh, you're Australian? I'm actually sponsored by Roxy and have surfed the Gold Coast..."
  2. I'm a software engineer.
    Complete with career advice for him. It is San Francisco, after all.
  3. I'm German.
    Decidedly not German.
  4. I don't know who threw up on the pool deck.
  5. *British/Jersey/Minnesota accent*
  6. I'll be right back.