Thoughts of an Farm Auctioneer Who Once Dreamed of Becoming a Singer

Inspired by true events and, of course, @dfly
  1. This isn't a very nice day for an outdoor auction.
  2. Good Lord, this is A TON of stuff
  3. I mean seriously, they have 6 of a tractor I don't even know the name of!
  4. What is it, a grain spreader?
  5. Wheat picker?
  6. Corn sucker?
  7. Circular hay clump layer?
  8. Focus, Brian.
  9. Okay, there's Greg. He's manning the station today.
  10. "Hi Greg."
  11. He says there are a total of 406 items on today's auction list.
  12. Is this a joke. It's friggin COLD.
  13. But it's your time to shine, Brian.
  14. Good thing you warmed up your voice to Beyoncé on the way here.
  15. Oh here we go.
  16. Let's start with this trailer of miscellaneous rusty gadgets that I'm supposed to know.
  17. Good joke.
  18. "Alright, ladies and gentlemen..."
  19. Oh wait. There are actually 0 ladies here
  20. "We're gonna start off with these three giant scissors."
  21. Honestly, Brian, you sound like an idiot.
  22. Greg is trying to whisper the name of these things in my ear.
  23. Bull cutters? That sounds painful.
  24. "Bolt cutters! Alright who will give me 15?"
  25. "15 buh da da buh la da buh how about a 10"
  26. Okay, now's your time to shine Brian
  27. I'm just gonna squeeze in a couple notes between "da da" and "buh la"
  28. Oh nailed it.
  29. Wow that one deserved applause
  30. If these people only knew my potential
  31. "25 buh da da buh la da buh now 27 an' a half"
  32. "Now 30"
  33. "Now 32 an' a half"
  34. Another jingle, here we go!
  35. Wow, I am an auctioneer singing GOD
  36. Nobody understands what I'm saying anyway
  37. Oh but Greg just looked at me funny
  38. I should probably lay off the jingles
  39. "35 going once.."
  40. Oh get ready
  41. "Twice..."
  42. THIS IS MY JAM
  43. "SOLD TO THE MAAAAAAN IN THE BAAAACK NUMBER 47. 47'S THE NUMBERRRRR. SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLD."
  44. Dang it.
  45. Too much.
  46. Greg stop giving me that look.
  47. Everyone is looking at me.
  48. Greg's tagging me out.
  49. You go Greg.
  50. Whatever, I still rock.