Why I Made My First Counseling Appointment

  1. Ever since about middle school, I've had problems falling asleep at night.
    Because I would think about how I would die, regrets I had, and what there was to be worried about (everything).
  2. Also ever since middle school, I've been EXCESSIVELY insecure
    Okay, I feel like everyone is insecure in middle school. But I never grew out of it. I had serious issues being confident in myself and I always compare myself to others. And it seriously damages my friendships.
  3. I am my own worst critic
    And not in a healthy way. When someone would criticize or correct me, my brain would say "wow, you really can't do anything right. That person knows how horrible you are. You better cover up that ugly mistake real quick."
  4. The impulse to cover up my mistakes has led me to lie on multiple occasions
    Admitting my wrongs feels like failure. And I know in my head how terrible that is. But I can't help myself.
  5. I don't know what "I did my best" looks like
    Other than an A+ or 4.0
  6. I let people trample over me
    Refer to #2
  7. Doubt in my spiritual life has been a crushing weight on my shoulders for the past year
    And I've felt 0 confidence in the beliefs I held all my life. But I've also felt 0 motivation to fix it.
  8. My whole freshman year of college made me so much more self-aware of all these damaging thoughts and the poor state of my mental health.
    For the first time, I realized that there was a problem. And I honestly owe a lot of that to my close friends and Twenty-One Pilots
  9. I had a horrible summer
    I'm talking WAY too much time in my own head. I found it impossible to live in the present- I was constantly lingering over thoughts about the past and/or the future. This is the time when I learned that my thoughts are 90% self-damaging. It was a good day when I didn't cry.
  10. A few weeks ago, I read about high-functioning anxiety/depression
    And I sobbed over my dimly lit phone screen as I anxiously scrolled through many articles about the syndrome. Because all I could think was... "this is me. This is all me."
  11. All my friends talked about how great the on-campus counseling center was
    And, bonus, it was free.
  12. So on a warm Tuesday morning, I forced my shaky hands to dial the number for the Engle Center and said "Hi, I'd like to make an appointment for counseling."