My dogs, ranked from best to worst

  1. This is Colonel.
    He's the best because he's super calm, easygoing, and independent. He's actually a human inside. You never have to worry about Colonel messing anything up. He's 100% trustworthy when it comes to your shoes and possessions, even when left unsupervised. He would also *die* before going to the bathroom inside. His independence also makes his snuggly moments more special. Extra points for very cute belly.
  2. This is Archie.
    He's the best because he literally demands nothing of you but your love. He weighs 85 pounds and snuggles like a puppy, always. He looks at you with eyes full of unconditional love and innocence. He NEVER whines or demands to be let outside or inside; just sits patiently and trusts that you know what's best. Best dog for crying, very generous with kisses. Extra points for sitting with his leg kicked out to one side like a goober.
  3. This is Carl.
    He's the best because he's so smart and playful. He knows way more commands than the other 2, can run and catch a frisbee midair, can kick your ass at tug of war. V athletic. Yet also the best at snuggling; never steps on you uncomfortably, always gets into a great position and just stays there, so graceful. Also really good at being off-leash. Extra points for having cute white toes.
  4. This is Carl.
    He's the worst because he's just the whiniest guy I know. Whines at the door to go out. Immediately regrets his decision and whines some more. Eats his food so fast he chokes then tries to steal food from the other 2. Kinda selfish tbh. What even is this sleeping position.
  5. This is Archie.
    He's the worst because when he sits next to you he takes his paw with his talons and hits you in the face with it until you pet him nonstop. A little desperate if you ask me.
  6. This is Colonel.
    He's the worst because you better meet his needs right effing now or you will never find peace. He will stare and whimper until you get up off the couch and feed him his damn dinner, woman. Also part beagle so we may never know how many years his sudden howls have stolen from my life expectancy.