1. Mario Kart Wii is the greatest video game ever made.
  2. It's the 6th best-selling video game of all time. (36 million copies)
  3. It's basically the best-selling Nintendo game of all time.
    Wii Sports (83 million) doesn't count because it came packaged with every Wii system, and while Super Mario Bros (40 million) is barely ahead, it's been around for 31 years.
  4. In December 2008, I bought a Wii for the sole purpose of playing Mario Kart Wii.
  5. In January 2009, I had to sell that Wii and the game for cash to move to LA.
  6. In January 2011, I bought a Wii for the sole purpose of playing Mario Kart Wii.
  7. In February 2011, I had to sell that Wii and the game to pay rent.
    Short-sighted is my middle name.
  8. I've often been tempted to do this a third time, but fortunately @Debby now has a Wii and we play Mario Kart all the time.
  9. (catch us on periscope, watch for notifications on Twitter/debbyryan)
  10. I might be the best Mario Kart Wii player in the world, currently.
  11. Like, in 2008 I was really good (ranked top 100 players online in North America)...
  12. ...so there are definitely a few thousand people in the world who were better back then than I am right now...
  13. ...but do any of those people still play? It's been 8 years. The online servers have been shut down.
  14. I still play. I put in probably 100 hours last month.
  15. I bet right now tonight I could beat anyone in the world at Mario Kart Wii.
  17. Like, obviously there's the Biblical parallel regarding how whoever's losing gets the power items, while up front it's only bananas and shells:
  18. Matthew 20:16
    "So the last will be first, and the first last."
  19. But you ever drop a fake question mark box and hit it on your next lap? Or throw a green shell and it hits you on a bounce?
  20. Proverbs 26:27
    Whoever digs a pit will fall into it,
  21. ...
    and a stone will come back on him who starts it rolling.
  22. Basically what I'm saying is I'm pretty sure there's gonna be Mario Kart in heaven.