Inspired by @drugs
  1. Red Wine
    Static
    you're reading an Anthony Bourdain book and want to feel like you "get it"
  2. White Wine
    Static
    you're reading a @Bourdain book but have to send some drunk snapchats later and don't want your teeth to look stained
  3. Bourbon
    Static
    you're out of college and want to get drunk by yourself on a Tuesday, but like you want it to mean something, man.
  4. Scotch
    Static
    you're at a bachelor party or trying to fool a date (you look dumb either way)
  5. Gin
    Static
    you're wearing your good underwear and brushed your teeth before going out
  6. Fireball (shooter)
    Static
    you're at a movie by yourself
  7. Domestic beer
    Static
    you're getting laid later
  8. Craft beer
    Static
    you're masturbating later