1. Me crying on a 6th grade field trip because I got a tick on my penis during an outdoor hike.
  2. My mom saying "HE WAS GAY!?" when @chriscady asked her when she found out that Freddie Mercury was gay.
  3. My internal monologue when a girl allowed me to cup her butt for the first time during a grade school dance
  4. A chaperone telling me to "leave room for Jesus" when they saw me cupping a girl's butt for the first time during a grade school dance
  5. The sound of my mom spanking me in a mall department store after I got snippy with a stranger
    honestly I deserved it
  6. Me smacking my lips like I'm a beautiful girl putting on lipstick every time I put on Chapstick
  7. The sound of me waking up in the middle of the night laughing uncontrollably from a funny thought I had
    Never funny in the morning. Always terrifying for anyone who can hear.
  8. My father using the f-word toward me the one and only time he did during my adolescence
    It was because I couldn't find my basketball jersey and we had a game in like 30 minutes
  9. My audible disgust when dialogue sounds "too real" in any movie
    Give me perfectly scripted conversations or give me death.