DEAR STEVE: I'M SUPPOSED TO GO TO A 'BOOK CLUB' TONIGHT, WHAT DO HUMAN GIRLS WEAR FOR THIS OCCASION?
Hi, Shawn. Thanks for writing in! Let's get you set up to knock 'em dead tonight!
- •The first thing to remember is this is NOT a sexy occasion. You are here to talk about books, not find a husband (or a wife, hey it's the 90's)Unless it's an erotic book club. Then ignore all of this
- •Rule #1: Cover those legs!!!Legs can be attractive and arouse humans but science has not yet explained why. Cover those gams!
- •Rule #2: You can't go wrong with a cardiganA cardigan says, "yes I have breasts but they did not read the book so there is no reason for you to pay them any attention. Not tonight"
- •Rule #3: Skirt the issue of sexualityA long, flowing skirt says "I am distinguished and here to talk about books and not for intercourse. Not tonight"
- •Rule #4: Wear long sleevesLike all the other limbs, arms too can be arousing for humans. It's best to cover them up as well
- •Rule #5: Get (buttoned) downAs long as you're wearing long sleeves, throw on a button down! But I don't wanna see any of those buttons undone. Do not expose the bazoongas. Not tonight
- •Rule #6: If all else fails..Wear your good underwear just in case you end up getting blacked out at the book club and bring home a rando. Because let's face it, all of the above outfits are still hot as hell
- •I wish you all the best tonight-Steve