Hi, Shawn. Thanks for writing in! Let's get you set up to knock 'em dead tonight!
  1. The first thing to remember is this is NOT a sexy occasion. You are here to talk about books, not find a husband (or a wife, hey it's the 90's)
    Unless it's an erotic book club. Then ignore all of this
  2. Rule #1: Cover those legs!!!
    Static
    Legs can be attractive and arouse humans but science has not yet explained why. Cover those gams!
  3. Rule #2: You can't go wrong with a cardigan
    Static
    A cardigan says, "yes I have breasts but they did not read the book so there is no reason for you to pay them any attention. Not tonight"
  4. Rule #3: Skirt the issue of sexuality
    Static
    A long, flowing skirt says "I am distinguished and here to talk about books and not for intercourse. Not tonight"
  5. Rule #4: Wear long sleeves
    Static
    Like all the other limbs, arms too can be arousing for humans. It's best to cover them up as well
  6. Rule #5: Get (buttoned) down
    Static
    As long as you're wearing long sleeves, throw on a button down! But I don't wanna see any of those buttons undone. Do not expose the bazoongas. Not tonight
  7. Rule #6: If all else fails..
    Static
    Wear your good underwear just in case you end up getting blacked out at the book club and bring home a rando. Because let's face it, all of the above outfits are still hot as hell
  8. I wish you all the best tonight
    -Steve