DEAR STEVE: I'M SUPPOSED TO GO TO A 'BOOK CLUB' TONIGHT, WHAT DO HUMAN GIRLS WEAR FOR THIS OCCASION?

Hi, Shawn. Thanks for writing in! Let's get you set up to knock 'em dead tonight!
  1. The first thing to remember is this is NOT a sexy occasion. You are here to talk about books, not find a husband (or a wife, hey it's the 90's)
    Unless it's an erotic book club. Then ignore all of this
  2. Rule #1: Cover those legs!!!
    Legs can be attractive and arouse humans but science has not yet explained why. Cover those gams!
  3. Rule #2: You can't go wrong with a cardigan
    A cardigan says, "yes I have breasts but they did not read the book so there is no reason for you to pay them any attention. Not tonight"
  4. Rule #3: Skirt the issue of sexuality
    A long, flowing skirt says "I am distinguished and here to talk about books and not for intercourse. Not tonight"
  5. Rule #4: Wear long sleeves
    Like all the other limbs, arms too can be arousing for humans. It's best to cover them up as well
  6. Rule #5: Get (buttoned) down
    As long as you're wearing long sleeves, throw on a button down! But I don't wanna see any of those buttons undone. Do not expose the bazoongas. Not tonight
  7. Rule #6: If all else fails..
    Wear your good underwear just in case you end up getting blacked out at the book club and bring home a rando. Because let's face it, all of the above outfits are still hot as hell
  8. I wish you all the best tonight
    -Steve