High School Superlatives I Could Have Won
- •Drunkest Child with Braces
- •Most Likely to Cry into a Beer I Stole from My Mom's Fridge to a Dashboard Confessional Song
- •Most Knowledgeable About Women Based Solely on Things I've Seen in Pornography
- •Most Likely to Think I'm Deep Because I Wrote a Short Story About A Complicated White Teenagerbased on me!? That's absurd!!
- •Fastest Transition from "Fuck the Police" to "Embarrassingly Cooperative" When Getting Pulled Over with a Group of Friends in the Car