rip 2005-2009
  1. Drunkest Child with Braces
  2. Most Likely to Cry into a Beer I Stole from My Mom's Fridge to a Dashboard Confessional Song
  3. Most Knowledgeable About Women Based Solely on Things I've Seen in Pornography
  4. Most Likely to Think I'm Deep Because I Wrote a Short Story About A Complicated White Teenager
    based on me!? That's absurd!!
  5. Fastest Transition from "Fuck the Police" to "Embarrassingly Cooperative" When Getting Pulled Over with a Group of Friends in the Car