HOW TO FILL A DAY AS AN UNEMPLOYED BASTARD

Every day is a gif from god
  1. Wake up early to work on job stuff!
    (sleep until 11:30 or later depending on how Godless you think the world is this morning)
  2. Go to Starbucks and grab a cup of coffee!
    (go to that Starbucks that's out of the way because the girls there are pretty hot and staring at them unblinkingly while they order their drinks is kinda ur thing)
  3. Sit down at a table at Starbucks and send out some resumes!
    (make low moaning noises as the beautiful females stir sugar into their coffees)
  4. Go home and have a quick lunch before you work on some more job stuff!
    (make lunch a 3 hour affair complete with Netflix, a frivolous phone call to ur mommy, and an extended Twitter surf. Throw in some light masturbation if you're feeling crazy)
  5. Wow you got a lot done! Let's go for a run to relax!
    (you got practically nothing done. Instead of working out, let's eat second-lunch and make a witty tweet about Donald Trump or Pokemon Go or whatever)
  6. Time for a shower and to see what the roomies are up to!
    (time to take a shower until the hot water runs out and then get medium-drunk with the roomies)
  7. Make a to-do list of job things to accomplish tomorrow!
    (too fucked up to do anything but watch the Point Break remake on HBO. Oh wow this movie is so bad I might need another beer)
  8. Go to sleep at a reasonable time so you can get up early and get more things done tomorrow!
    (lmao)