I DID THE MATH SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO

It takes:
  1. 1 bottle of wine + 1 light beer
    to really ~feel~ a romantic movie
  2. 10 black outs + 1 shingles outbreak + 2 mental breakdowns
    to get through your first year of law school
  3. 1 late night conversation
    to become obsessed with someone
  4. 2 Jonathan Franzen novels
    to hate The Whites®
  5. 4 retweets
    to feel like you're the most original and important voice of your generation
  6. 36 hours
    to swallow your pride
  7. 3 good shirts + 1 really good pair of jeans
    to have a confident wardrobe
  8. 1 tattoo
    to make you want another one
  9. 3 completely random acts of coincidence in short succession
    to believe in God again
  10. 60 days
    to feel at home in a new city
  11. 3 miles ran
    to feel like you deserve a 2000 calorie dinner
  12. $2.15 per gallon + 1 stubborn unwillingness to compromise on your dreams
    to get from point A to point B
  13. 2 hours
    to finally get to the songs you played on the jukebox
  14. 6 blocks walked on a cool fall night
    to clear your head
  15. 3 good days
    to forget one bad one
  16. 7 Our Fathers + 98 Hail Marys
    to repent for what happened during Homecoming Weekend
  17. 1 lifetime
    to do the rest of the math