I JUST DROPPED AN ENTIRE PECAN PIE ON THE CARPET
- •Look at this shit
- •Let's just get this out of the wayI was in fact eating an entire pecan pie by myself out of the fucking tin when this happened.
- •I was reaching for my beer and accidentally knocked it off the tableYes, nothing goes better with pecan pie than beer. And they both go great with self-loathing.
- •How the hell do I clean this up?The pecan filling has glued to the carpet and the crumbs have formed a fine powder on the ground. I'm just getting in the car and moving. My life here is over. I'm the Don Draper of being a piece of shit.
- •Notice the GQ's on the table. You think any of those guys have ever tried to eat an entire pie by themselves, Steve? What is wrong with you?
- •Who can even eat more than one piece of pecan pie anyway? It's basically just maple syrup with a crust on top.I am truly disgusting.
- •On the bright side...With Thanksgiving coming up, this is probably the most festive suicide scene the cops will walk into all month!
- •I know what you're thinkingAnd yes, I have decided to make this list instead of cleaning up this mess. It's the only way I know how to cope.