I'm Sorry, Dad

was this even a request @michael_circa91
  1. for letting those girls paint my nails at summer camp
  2. for only having a passing interest in sports
  3. for not wanting to work for you after law school
  4. for all the jokes I make online about you
  5. for having more clothes than your daughter
  6. for voting for Mitt Romney
  7. for skipping the baseball game to watch Legally Blonde
  8. for dropping your Auntie Anne's pretzel on the ground at the mall in 1998 without you knowing and letting you eat it