1. For throwing a lot of parties and ruining your house in high school
  2. For making fun of you for sincerely owning a spell book
  3. For all the jokes I make online about you
  4. For being so bad at the mall that you had to spank me in public
    when I was 11
  5. For lying about what you did for a living for a long time
  6. For sneaking out onto the deck in the middle of the night to smoke Swisher Sweets when I was in high school
  7. For making you play Kenny G's "Auld Lang Singe (Millennium Mix)" 1 billion times in the car
  8. For not telling you that I got a tattoo
    she still doesn't know