LEGAL PHRASES THAT DON'T MEAN WHAT YOU THINK THEY DO

Law school has taught me that there are many confusing phrases that don't mean what you think they do. Here are a few:
  1. "Equal Protection"
    Not when she's on the pill but you still use a condom.
  2. "Bench Trial"
    Not a legal proceeding held on the park bench where Robin Williams told Matt Damon he doesn't know about love and that he likes when his wife passes gas in her sleep.
  3. "Stop and Frisk"
    Not car sex in the abandoned strip-mall parking lot.
  4. "Grand Jury"
    Not a group of jurists made up of flappers and champagne drinking businessmen from the 1920's, apparently.
  5. "Vested Interest"
    Not an interest that got a little chilly.
  6. "Class Action Lawsuit"
    Not a lawsuit that's too fancy to drink the Sutter Home Watermelon Blast Moscato you bought on sale.
  7. "Holographic Will"
    Not a super rare will that you traded like half your deck of Pokémon cards for.
  8. "Strict Liability"
    Not liability that grounds you for stealing from its liquor cabinet and refilling the empty bottles with water.
  9. "Joint Tenancy"
    Not something you get after training for a marathon just to get a lot of likes on Instagram.
  10. "Liquidated Damages"
    Not the broken rib you got for falling into a bathtub because you were so drunk that you couldn't stand up to pee.
  11. "Fiduciary Duty"
    Not a duty that wears a backwards hat to the bar and calls you a "bitch" for refusing to go home with him after he insisted on buying you shots all night.