πŸ€ PARENT-TRAPS, GANGBANGS, & THE MYTH OF THE AMERICAN DIVORCE πŸ€

Sorry in advance that this is so long. My final four list for @aus10's tournament.
  1. β€’
    β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”PART 1: PARENT-TRAPSβ€”β€”β€”β€”β€”
  2. β€’
    List app, this is my mother, Sharon.
    I'm not sorry for using this picture
  3. β€’
    When I was three years old, my parents got divorced for a myriad of reasons.
  4. β€’
    And while divorce is obviously very common, this created a lot of problems for my mom. One of which was the fact that we grew up in a snobby, ultra-Catholic neighborhood in Saint Louis, MO.
    Additionally, my brother, sister, and I went to all-catholic grade school and high school
  5. β€’
    A lot of the parents and neighbors who were very close to my mom essentially stopped associating with her after the divorce.
    Divorce is very frowned on in the Catholic Church. And even more frowned on by snobby white assholes.
  6. β€’
    I really remember my mom as a very sad person during these years and throughout most of my childhood. I know it was all really hard on her.
  7. β€’
    Life went on that way for her for awhile. She would date off and on, but the guys were mostly assholes and the cycle would just repeat. During those early years, it always seemed like she just thought she needed a man in her life to be happy again.
  8. β€’
    Many years later, after my brother graduated from college, my whole family (including my divorced parents) decided to road trip to Chicago for Chris' graduation.
  9. β€’
    This, together with the fact that we all knew that my dad was kinda into my mom again, gave rise to a rare opportunity for a real life parent trap. They were even staying in the same hotel!
    I live-tweeted it, but that's for another list.
  10. β€’
    After the graduation, and after we had all gone out to celebrate, my mom and dad (both pretty drunk and having a great time with each other) taxied back to the hotel together and my sister, brother, and I slept at my brothers place. The next morning, after we got my mom alone, we asked her if anything happened between her and my dad.
  11. β€’
    She thought we were crazy for even asking and said very confidently that no it did not. "That part of my life is over."
  12. β€’
    β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”PART 2: GANGBANGSβ€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”
  13. β€’
    Another problem my mom faced after her divorce was the fact that she had married very young (at 22) and had no college education or real work experience
    My grandparents never even gave her the option to go to college, preferring that she find a husband and become a homemaker.
  14. β€’
    After the divorce, my dad only sporadically gave my mom enough money to take care of us. This necessitated my mom needing to go back to work. This was no easy task given her minimal work experience and education.
  15. β€’
    She tried a lot of things, but nothing really stuck.
    At different points in our life, my mother was a radio DJ (lol), real estate agent, and "homeopathic medicine expert in-training" (???) (Probably not the actual name for it, but like she was taking classes for it so I guess it's a real study? idk).
  16. β€’
    Then, by sure luck, a family friend who owned several nightclubs, strip clubs, and various other businesses was opening up an adult bookstore (read: porn shop) in Saint Louis and needed someone to manage it.
  17. β€’
    Having no better options, my mom took the job and has worked there ever since
    She eventually took over ownership of the store and opened another location.
  18. β€’
    Of course, word got around with our neighbors and grade school, and the nosy parents began interrogating my brother and I about it behind my moms back.
    This was before we even knew what she did, which she hid from us for a while, I'm sure out of embarrassment.
  19. β€’
    After we came home one day and disclosed that the parents were asking us weird questions we didn't know the answers to, she told us. It was a truly bizarre experience and it took a really long time getting used to that news.
    She then promptly called the parents and told them if they had any more questions or rumors to spread, they should contact her directly.
  20. β€’
    My brother, sister, and I have had to help her out at the stores several times for different reasons. One memorable time had us having to fix a broken "viewing booth" that kept playing a scene of a girl getting gangbanged by four men.
    Yes, we all watched together and honestly I'm still super proud of that woman (my mom, not the actress, but honestly I'm proud of her too).
  21. β€’
    The porn shop has been a convenient source of all sorts of things over the years including these ladies:
  22. β€’
    Ignore the skeleton in the green sweater. That's just a Halloween prop
  23. β€’
    (not pictured, countless flavored lube samples, condoms, "party favors," and some not-yet-released female viagra)
  24. β€’
    PART 3: THE MYTH OF THE AMERICAN β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”DIVORCEβ€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”
  25. β€’
    I know this list is really long but I think it's important.
  26. β€’
    There's a big misunderstanding in some parts of our society that divorced women are somehow broken or incomplete people. That they are pathetic, or lost, or unfixable.
  27. β€’
    But they're not. They're strong, independent, and sometimes better people because of what they've been through.
  28. β€’
    And like so many things, that's a societal problem: making women believe that their only role in life is to be a homemaker or a wife, and then failing them when something goes wrong or they don't have a husband to rely on.
  29. β€’
    It took me a long time to understand how hard it must've been for my mom to get to where she is todayβ€”to reverse everything she was raised to believe about herself and become a completely independent woman in the face of hopeless circumstances.
  30. β€’
    But that's not even the best part. The best part is that she's happier now than I ever remember her being growing up. She smiles now. She dates around. And even though she has employees to do it for her now, she still gets up at 5:30am and goes to the porn shop.
  31. β€’
    When we ask her if she'd ever get back together with our dad, she just laughs it off and says, "yeah he really fucked that one up, didn't he?"
  32. β€’
    (Keeping with the seasonally inappropriate theme)