TIMES I THOUGHT I WAS ON A DATE WHEN I REALLY WASN'T

  1. When a Verizon Wireless live chat rep. sent me a ": )" mid conversation
    You are my bride now
  2. When my friend invited me over for a steak dinner and then opened a bottle of wine
    It was Rosé, the green m&m's of wine.
  3. When a J. Crew customer service phone rep. joked with me about how my last name is the same as the main character's name in Mean Girls
    "Is there anything else I can do for you today, sir?" "lol just love me unconditionally forever I guess"
  4. When a friend invited me to a movie and then paid for my ticket
    We saw "12 Years a Slave" though so the mood was killed pretty fast
  5. For a split second when I was black-out drunk dancing alone at a bar and a girl came up to me and grabbed my hand
    She told me "you're being really creepy, you need to leave" and then dragged me out of the bar 🌞