1. "The Star Spangled Banner"
  2. The album version of "I" by Kendrick Lamar (including the outro)
    Watch people love you for for about 3 minutes and then want to kill your family for the rest of the time as you try to silence a nonexistent riot in the bar
  3. Jack Nicholson's court room monologue in "A Few Good Men"
    Guaranteed that a lot of people won't be able to handle the truth that this is really happening right now
  4. "Amazing Grace"
  5. That part in "Gone Girl" where Gillian Flynn discusses the myth of the 'cool girl'
    Just read that word-for-word
  6. The Meow Mix jingle
    Do it a few times because it's so short
  7. The United States Pledge of Allegiance
    Make sure to keep your hand over your heart the whole time
  8. A beatbox version of the Seinfeld intro music over recorded studio audience laughter
    What's the deal with Airplane food?
  9. "4'33" by John Cage
    You might not be able to get through the whole thing once the boos start