WORST DROUGHTS IN U.S. HISTORY

  1. The Dust Bowl, 1930s.
    A period of severe dust storms, brought on by serious drought, that greatly damaged the ecology an agriculture of the US prairies during the 1930's. A really dry period!
  2. When I Had a Bowl Cut for My First Two Years of College, 2009-2011.
    An equally devastating dry spell brought on by a severe lack of self-awareness for how ugly this hairstyle was. My penis remained untouched during this period.
  3. The 16th Century Megadrought.
    A drought that stretched across North America, into Canada and Mexico during early English settlement in the United States. Sounds bad!
  4. My 16th year of Life Through the Rest of High School, 2005-2009.
    A drought brought on by me looking like this every day for 4 very sexless years. Intercourse eluded my dirty body like a horrible game of cat-and-mouse during this period. See: MY REMARKABLE HIGH SCHOOL TRANSFORMATION
  5. The Civil War Drought, 1850s-1860s.
    A drought that hit the plains and the Western regions of the United States, causing possibly the worst drought to hit Texas in the last 300 years.
  6. The Civil Uncoupling of Myself and My Longterm Girlfriend, January 2015-July 2015.
    An incredible period of continuous weekend strike-outs following the mutual breakup of my girlfriend and I. This dry spell persisted for six consecutive months and was 100% my choice and not because I was lonely, desperate, and pathetic--the three most attractive qualities in a person.