I'm Almost 40. What Have I Learned?

  1. Never eat at a restaurant whose menu is in Comic Sans font. In fact never do business with anyone who deals in Comic Sans.
  2. It is not possible to fall off the earth while stoned so holding onto the sidewalk will do nothing for you.
  3. A nemesis is a necessity.
  4. Tricking out a Honda Civic automatically disqualifies you as someone I want to know.
  5. Die Hard is never not watchable.
  6. People who say "oh you HAVE to do ______" almost always have a trust fund.
  7. No one knows what they are doing. We are all just winging it.
  8. It's always the right time for frozen yogurt.
  9. The people who really know you will always give you shit and keep your ego in check. These people are crucial.
  10. Always. Always have snacks. Your friends might be stoned and in need.