The Strains

My top 5. Please enjoy responsibly after you turn 18. I didn't partake until 27. Let this be a lesson to you teenagers. Seriously though, don't smoke cigs or drink alcohol because that shit will kill you. This on the other hand...
  1. 1.
    White Widow
    This stunning hybrid bud is one of the most famous worldwide. A Netherlands created strain, White Widow, named for its white crystals that cover the bud is as beautiful as it is potent. If you have a filibuster coming up, I'm looking at you Rand Paul, then this is the bud for you. Highly conversational and highly stimulating you will talk all night long. Side note: I smoked this strain my first time in Amsterdam at the original coffeshop The Bulldog so it is high on sentimental value for me.
  2. 2.
    Jack Herer
    Named after its creator, author and marijuana activist Jack Herer, this sativa hails from the Netherlands. Spicy and pine scented this tri-blend of Haze, Norther Lights #5, and Shiva Skunk will help you appreciate The Golden Girls in ways you never knew you could. Goddamnit Sophia you are legend.
  3. 3.
    Girl Scout Cookies
    OG Kush and Durban Poison come together in California to give the world this treat that is available more than once a year. Peppered with purple leaves and blazing orange hairs, this hybrid will give you the feeling that you are in fact Charlie Bucket flying through the glass ceiling of Wonka's Chocolate Factory with Mr. Wonka himself. It will also make you consume many a Fizzy Lifting Drink™
  4. 4.
    Grape Ape
    Like its namesake, the 1970's Hanna Barbera 40ft cartoon, this indica dominant strain is fat, purple, and smells distinctly of grapes. It, like the cartoon, will also bring hours of relaxing enjoyment. Perfect for an afternoon of IMAX 3-D movie hopping or staring at your Pug to try to and figure out how the genetics work here. That thing can't be real right?
  5. 5.
    King Louis XIII
    A So-Cal creation, King Louis XIII, is an Indica dominant strain famous for it's dense pine smell and deeply powerful body high. I once slept 16 hours on this strain. It's strongly recommended for insomniacs for that reason. You'll dream of Versailles and most likely dragons but not the Game of Thrones kind more like the Pete's Dragon kind. You may also be mistaken for dead so it is best to leave a note around your neck that you are just really, really, high and please don't call the police.