How I Met Willy Strapstont. Part One.

this is the story of how i met Willy Strapstont.
  1. I met him 12 days ago or so, in the mall. Now he's one of my best friends.
  2. But what does that even fucking mean? Having like a best friend, I mean, well, I don't know what the hell I'm talking about.
  3. I was in a video store, lookin' around, you know. It's nice to go to places like this if you like films and stuff like that, 'cause there's not so many people there and you can look around pacefully, without getting stressed with other's shit.
    Yeah, it's sad because nowadays people's just watching shit that they can find for free in the rubbish bin, and culture is being mostly underrated, but, well. This list is not about that.
  4. SO. I was there. And I wanted to go to the bathroom. So I went there. I was gonna poop, (I was sitting there, reading the paper), and suddenly, a head comes from the hole where I was gonna poop, you know. Well, I don't know what the fuck is called that hole, but there's some water or some kinda liquid there where you pee or poop or whatever you do.
  5. So this head comes from under my ass, while my butt is saying goodbye to the shit that is hanging in the butthole. I tried to stop it, but the head (well, the guy) started talking about Kevin Smith or some shit, and the poop fell on his mouth.
  6. It was so fucking weird and I was scared, because why the fuck was there a guy in that hole, where people is gonna take a shit or something, man? But well, that was the situation, a guy (nice guy, actually) talking to me with shit on his mouth.
  7. To me, it seemed like he didn't realize there was a shit on his mouth, or that he was under my fucking butt while I was taking a shit. And that he was talking like if we were friends or something, like if we had meet before.
  8. But that guy seemed so focused on that fucking conversation (well, he was the only one talking, so it was just like with himself) that he probably wasn't thinking about anything else at the moment, so I started screaming, 'cause I said before, I was scared because it was so fucking weird.
  9. The only thing that came to my head at that moment was to kick him in the head with the paper, to make him notice something besides that conversation about Kevin Smith. And because he was eating my shit.
  10. Someone heard us. It turned out it was the owner of the store. He opened the door of the bathroom and sent me to the hole where the guy was. I fell into the hole with that guy. And that guy was Willy Strapstont. That's where I met him.
  11. We were down there, I told him that we were inside a fucking bathroom hole. He said he didn't realize that, he was sorry.
  12. I said that it was okay, "nevermind", you know, but I was still upset because no one could hear us, and the owner of the store didn't seem to care.
  13. So, we're still here and no one can hear us. Well, US is not so apropriate, because being here for 12 days, you start feeling that you wanna eat something.
  14. Yeah, I mean, I had to do it. It was him or me. And I wasn't the one who decided to go into the hole of a fucking bathroom.
  15. Shit I just realized I've eaten my own shit.