BOYS THAT I HAVE TURNED INTO ANECDOTES

  1. The boy who told me he was "disappointed David Sedaris wasn't straight".
  2. The boy who bet that I couldn't read A Song of Ice and Fire in five days.
    He lost. We don't talk anymore.
  3. The boy who humped my teddy bear on my childhood bed.
  4. The boy who I called because I needed to pee and I was by his house.
    I had been crying and was dehydrated so I drank a lot of water and went to buy a baguette.
  5. The boy who let me come over to his house and microwave flowers.
  6. The boy whose mother offered me breakfast.
  7. The boy who cooked an egg for the first time in front of me
    I think he was an embarrassed that his mother made him breakfast.
  8. The boy who wanted to be "the next Bill Nye but with comedic rap"
    I can dm you the link to his mixtape if any of you are interested. It's...exactly what you would expect.
  9. The boy whose mother was upstairs and kept calling him on the phone to ask when I was going to leave.
  10. The boy who I watched Amazon Prime with as he played online chess and I read Rhodes Scholars biographies aloud.
    Double feature of the pilots of Man in the High Castle and Catastrophe.
  11. The boy who I went to Meijer with to buy Pokemon cards at midnight