TWEETS I MADE IN AN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE WHERE I AM INCREDIBLY SUCCESSFUL 📂

When did Draftmas end?
  1. Went home with a short guy tonight
    Morning after I win an Oscar. Picture of me with adorable bedhead, smudged eyeliner, and a single pearl earring in bed with my Oscar.
  2. Still the #1 New York Times bestseller of my heart
    When my book ends its record breaking time at the number one slot.
  3. *photo that strongly implies I joined the mile high club on a private jet through a personalized t-shirt with someone else's name*
    No caption. Inspired by recent events.
  4. How many billions can you have before you stop being relatable?...Asking for a friend.