In our age of ever-present internet, there are still phonebook users. Unfortunately, every call I get from someone using a phonebook is a request for something I do not have.
  1. "This is Adeline Smith. I would like a call back. It is in regards to a pair of shoes."
    Okay, straightforward but fine. Most of my voicemails from customers are in regards to a pair of shoes, as they have contacted a shoe store.
  2. I check the customer database before I call her back. There is no one with that name.
    That doesn't mean she hasn't purchased from us. Some sales, particularly with travelers or noticeably impatient people, don't get assigned to a customer file.
  3. I call her back and use my nicest sales voice, because I can tell that she is going to be an odd duck.
    You just know.
  4. "Yes. I ended up buying the shoes as a gift for my daughter and they are not what I wanted and I want to see what else you can do."
    Old people doing a return. Always fun.
  5. "Ma'am, could we please back up? In your message you said that you were calling regarding a pair of shoes and that was all the information you left. Could you elaborate so I know how to help you?"
    She's just calling any shoe store in the book.
  6. "They are the wood bottom shoes with the buckle and I bought them as a gift and they don't work."
  7. "Ma'am, that doesn't sound like a shoe that we carry here at my store."
  8. "They are the Dr. Scholl's wooden ones."
  9. "Ma'am, that is not a brand that we sell here."
  10. "Well, that ends the conversation. Goodbye."